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- <text id=94TT1344>
- <title>
- Oct. 03, 1994: The Workplace:Are Women Too Nice
- </title>
- <history>
- TIME--The Weekly Newsmagazine--1994
- Oct. 03, 1994 Blinksmanship
- </history>
- <article>
- <source>Time Magazine</source>
- <hdr>
- THE WORKPLACE, Page 60
- Are Women Too Nice at the Office?
- </hdr>
- <body>
- <p> In her latest book, Deborah Tannen decodes battling gender dialects
- in the workplace
- </p>
- <p>By Ginia Bellafante
- </p>
- <p> Earlier this month, Baker & McKenzie, the nation's largest law
- firm, was ordered to pay $7.1 million in damages to a secretary
- who endured the repeated breast groping and buttocks grabbing
- of a senior partner. Other women had previously complained about
- the unwanted advances made by this partner (he plucked at bra
- straps; he tickled feet), but the firm did little beyond reprimanding
- him.
- </p>
- <p> The award, believed to be the highest ever for an individual
- sexual-harassment case, probably would not have been made in
- the pre-Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill era. But ever since the entire
- country pulled up to the tube to watch Thomas fight off charges
- that he had harassed his subordinate, the American workplace
- has resembled an embattled frat house where boys struggle to
- discern the boundary between sexual civility and salacious misconduct.
- Heightened attention to the issue of sexual transgression, however,
- seems to have eclipsed discussion of the more profoundly common
- ways men and women communicate--or fail to communicate--with one another in offices, schools and factories every day.
- Talking from 9 to 5, the latest book by linguist and gender-war
- pundit Deborah Tannen (William Morrow; $23; due Oct. 19), has
- set out to correct that.
- </p>
- <p> The virtue of the book is that it captures the quotidian misunderstandings
- between men and women in the workplace. It is full of episodes
- like the one between Deirdre and William. On the way home from
- a national conference at which they each gave presentations,
- Deirdre compliments William on his talk. "Thank you," he says.
- Deirdre rejoins, "What did you think of mine?" Expecting a reciprocal
- pat on the back, she's startled when her colleague launches
- into a detailed critique. Deirdre had actually had a few problems
- with William's speech but felt uncomfortable about voicing them
- without being asked.
- </p>
- <p> Then there is the female university president's contretemps
- with a male board member. Before they enter her office, she
- gives her secretary a piece of paper and says, "I've just finished
- drafting this letter. Do you think you could type it right away?...And would you please do me a favor and hold all calls while
- I'm meeting with Mr. Smith?" Inside her office, Mr. Smith suggests
- that he disapproves of the solicitous way the head of the college
- has spoken to her secretary. "Don't forget," he says, "you're
- the president!"
- </p>
- <p> And then there is the misfire between the female bookstore proprietor
- and her male manager. "The bookkeeper needs help with the billing.
- What would you think about helping her out?" she asks him. The
- manager replies with "O.K."--which really means, "O.K., I'll
- think about helping her out." Days later, he has yet to assist
- in the task.
- </p>
- <p> That women tend to opt for the soft touch is also evident in
- the way they use "I'm sorry" and "Thank you." Women, more often
- than men, will use these phrases blindly in instances where
- there is no need for expressions of apology or gratitude. Tannen
- offers the example of Charlene, who is visited by a colleague
- at an inopportune time. After explaining that she is quite busy,
- she adds, "Boy, I'm really sorry about this rush-rush."
- </p>
- <p> As she did in her perennial best seller, You Just Don't Understand:
- Women and Men in Conversation, Tannen argues that the sexes
- baffle and bewilder each other, not because they have vastly
- different psychological makeups, but because they have distinct
- conversational styles. Women, the theory goes, speak in a way
- that seeks to build participation or rapport, while men tend
- to communicate in a manner that asserts autonomous remove.
- </p>
- <p> The two sexes establish their separate languages, Tannen contends,
- in the single-sex groups they play in as children. She cites
- various studies that describe male groups as hierarchical and
- quick to teach little boys how to dominate and jockey for the
- spotlight, often by versing them in a vocabulary of ridicule
- and put-downs. Girls' groups, on the other hand, are predominantly
- structured around pairs of best friends who share secrets and
- forge intimacy.
- </p>
- <p> In Talking from 9 to 5, Tannen explores the ways in which these
- playground codes manifest themselves in America's cubicles and
- conference rooms, and argues that they leave women at a disadvantage.
- Public speaking, an essential aspect of business culture, Tannen
- writes, is significantly less frightening for men because "standing
- up in front of a large group of people, commanding attention,
- and talking authoritatively are extensions of the socialization
- most boys have been forced to endure as boys in groups tend
- to vie for center stage, challenge the boys who get it, and
- deflect the challenge of others." Office discussions can turn
- into fruitless debates between men and women when this male
- style clashes with the more conciliatory female. "A mutually
- aggravated spiral occurs," says Tannen. A man might resort to
- ridicule, while "she becomes increasingly diffident as he becomes
- more intimidating. The man senses her position as weak and becomes
- more overbearing."
- </p>
- <p> While drawing on formal linguistic studies to bolster her argument,
- Tannen admits that her own research was "more like found art."
- She created informal labs out of a number of different work
- settings--hospitals, universities, companies large and small--many of which were suggested to her by friends and colleagues.
- There she observed that women generally tend to behave in ways
- that prevent them from standing out. Women, Tannen says, are
- above all consensus builders, which is why many in positions
- of authority "feel it is only natural to ask everyone around
- them for their opinions." A male higher-up might misinterpret
- this as a show of indecisiveness.
- </p>
- <p> Women tend to hesitate calling attention to their accomplishments
- or hogging the recognition. She cites the example of the head
- of an educational-film company who was shocked when a female
- employee seemed reluctant to capitalize on a coveted opportunity
- to handle a large sale. "Maybe someone else should follow up
- this time," she said, "since I've already got the highest sales
- in the group for the month."
- </p>
- <p> Tannen does a great service to men and women by providing a
- readable guide to the rituals of sexual miscommunication in
- the workplace. But others can argue that her analysis falls
- into the old trap of painting women as self-deprecating victims
- of a man-friendly world. "There is a sense in which every woman
- is seen as a receptionist--available to give information and
- help, perennially interruptible," she says flatly. One wonders
- how many female CEOs are barged in on by underlings who cannot
- seem to remember the company fax number.
- </p>
- <p> Tannen is ultimately at her most intriguing when she is at her
- most contrarian. She challenges the cliche that women are more
- indirect than men and that tentativeness reflects a lack of
- confidence. In Japanese culture, she points out, it is actually
- considered boorish for the higher-status person to be direct.
- Men and women are both indirect, she argues, but in different
- ways.
- </p>
- <p> In the men's case, the approach is often a response to displays
- of emotion. She uses the example of a doctor who has just informed
- his patient of the serious side effects of a medication he has
- prescribed for her. "Yeah, so you prolong your life for what,
- you know?" the patient responds. To which the physician answers,
- "Do you have an appointment to see a therapist soon?" The doctor's
- abrupt reply is an indirect way to deal with his patient's emotional
- distress.
- </p>
- <p> "People will not always want to engage in conversations about
- how they communicate," says Tannen in an interview. But she
- would like her book to serve as a way to make men and women
- more attuned to one another's unique dialects. "The hope is
- not only that individuals will change their behavior," she says,
- "but that people who makes judgments of others will recognize
- different styles." As the corporate world becomes less rigidly
- authoritarian, and as men and women learn to become aware of
- one another's speaking styles, the most widely spoken language
- of the workplace could simply become the language of civility.
- </p>
-
- </body>
- </article>
- </text>
-
-